Letter to Senator Reid

Senator Harry Read (D-NV)
Senate Majority Leader

Dear Senator Reid:

I'm writing to encourage you to take a pass on opening an investigation into whether Vitty-cent violated the Senate Rules of Conduct by paying women to stick Lil Vitty in them. I know that Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington make a very compelling case for you taking official notice of Vitty-cent's actions, but I don't think you really have the time to proceed with this.

You see, there's a lot of more important things going on this country than where Lil Vitty goes. I'm thinking the Iraq War is one of them. (You're on the right track with forcing the minority to filibuster, by the way.) When not working on getting the troops home, I'd suggest keeping the heat and pressure on BushCo on any of numerous fronts. Just set up a dart board with post-its that say things like "Plame," "Rove," "Miers," "Gonzales," and "Osama." Throw darts at them and delve into whatever topic you stick.

Don't worry about Vitty-cent, he'll get his. Hell, if he can't even keep the UNO College Republicans in the fold. The Republicans are forming a circular firing squad around Vitty-cent that would make Congressional democrats from 1992 feel proud. The GOP are so anti-prostitution that they can't let him stick around for too long. The DC Madam wants to call him as a witness, should her case actually go to trial.

And don't forget, Vitty-cent doesn't have many friends back home. He's one of those guys who forgot the old adage to be careful, because the toes you step on today may be attached to an ass you might have to kiss sometime in the future. There are a lot of people who have been nursing bruised toes for years. Those toes are now ready to kick a little Vitty-cent ass.

So, you keep on with the business of the nation, Senator. Down here, we're enjoying the schadenfreude just fine for now. If you and some of your Senate buddies have spare time on the weekend, feel free to enjoy it with us over a beer or two. But when you go back to work, get the troops home. Soon.

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