LA-Gov: 7 Easy Steps to Defeat Bobby Jindal

Piyush "Bobby" Jindal (R-Kenner), currently the CongressCritter for LA-01, is the prohibitive favorite to come in first in Louisiana's gubernatorial primary. The primary date (for gov and all other statewide and parish elected offices except for District Attorneys) is October 20th, with the runoff on November 17th. Prior to Governor Blanco's decision to not stand for re-election, the conventional wisdom was that Jindal would not only defeat Blanco this time (he lost to her in 2003, when the seat was open), but he would pull at least 50.1% of the vote in the primary. When Blanco announced she was not running, Democrats were more in disarray than the party was right after the First Gulf War, when Bush41 was polling at 90% or higher and nobody but an unknown governor from Arkansas contemplated taking him on.

The dynamic has shifted dramatically since Blanco's decision, however. Foster Campbell, a Democrat from north LA with good populist credentials has entered the race. From the flooded-and-rebuilding parish of St. Bernard, state senator Walter Boasso has switched parties from R to D to run. Metairie businessan John Georges switched from Republican to Independent to run as well. Suddenly, Piyush isn't so invincible, and if he can be forced into a runoff, he can be beaten. Here are seven easy steps to make it happen:

One. Define Jindal as the born-again redneck he truly is. Jindal first made a name for him self as then-Gov. Murphy "Mike" Foster's healthcare policy wonk, heading up the state's Department of Health and Hospitals at the time. This seems like a lifetime away because of the storm, but in 2003, healthcare was a huge issue for Louisiana, and Jindal was portrayed as the techono-policy-wonk could fix the problems.

Of course, to be a Republican politician in the modern era, one must sell one's soul to the religous wing of the party. Piyush has done that, by declaring that he's a "born again Catholic." As someone who was baptized and raised Catholic, I have no idea what that means, since most "born again" folks firmly believe Catlicks are going to Hell. Jindal talks the fundigelical talk on the stump, anti-choice, virulently anti-gay, pro-school vouchers. He also wants you to believe he's a good ol' boy as well. Opponents need to define him thusly, dispelling the myth that he's a wonk with our best interests at heart.

Two. Make him appear in public. This one ties to #1 in a big way. Jindal makes minimal public appearances and tries to limit them to stronghold areas such as his Jefferson Parish base. The reason is simple: He and the Republican Party don't want to advertise too loudly that Jindal is Not White. The Republicans don't want the public to get to know their candidate because their voting base is highly racist. What they've done is the real-life equivalent of Dave Chapelle's "Black White Supremacist" sketch. Jindal is an Indian with dark skin who doesn't like black people. Make him appear in public and he'll have to face voters who will simply see him as another Colored Guy. The racist, "under-the-radar" vote is what killed Jindal's run in 2003. There's a significant segment of the population in this state that just won't vote for a non-white candidate.

But there's more to making Jindal debate and appear in public than just race. The more he has to appear in public, the more he has to convince the racists who are his party's base that he's "one of them." He's already started that push, running a TV ad showing him on the steps of the Gretna City Hall, accepting the endorsement of Jefferson Parish Sheriff Harry Lee. The subtle undercurrent of that appearance was nauseating. Gretna, you will recall, is the city whose police officers fired shotguns over the heads of storm evacuees trying to leave New Orleans by crossing the Mississippi River. By appearing in Gretna with the two chief law enforcement officers responsible for that incident (Lee and GPD Chief Arthur Lawson), Jindal was sending the message that he'd shoot at black people, too.

But what happens when those who think it's OK to shoot shotguns at black evacuees see that their candidate is Not White? It's Clayton Bigsby all over again. Pull the white sheet off of Jindal by forcing him to appear more in public.

Three. Force Jindal to take ownership of the war. As a CongressCritter, Piyush has voted with the dishonorable piece of crap who lives in the White House 97% of the time. He's pro-everything-Bush-wants. Lots of Louisiana families have lost loved ones in a war that 60% of the country thinks was a bad idea. Carry this a step further, and you can even erode Jindal's white-bread, soccer mom base in Metairie. Now that it's quite that the Republicans are for endless war, ask Piyush when he plans to support the return of the conscript army. Start making soccer moms think that their boys who are now 12 and 13 years old may be drafted to fight for Jindal's war in a few years, and even the most anti-choice, Catlick woman will think twice about further buying into this war.

Four. Force Jindal to take ownership of the storm. Republicans really, really thought they'd be able to hang the entire aftermath of the storm on Kathy Blanco for this election. Of the viable candidates in the race, only Jindal was in a position do something about the storm prior to its landfall. Make him take ownership of the US Army Corps of Engineers. Make him take ownership of Bush's guitar-playing stunt while the storm was making landfall. Make him take ownership of Karl Rove's ineffective (and discriminatory) Gulf Coast recovery efforts.

Flodding and the storm are the main reasons that State Senator Walter Boasso (D-Chalmette) is now in the race. Boasso led the post-storm effort to re-structure the politics of flood control in Louisiana by attempting to reform the state's "Levee Districts." His frustration in dealing with the state legislature (combined with a healthy dose of ambition) are the reasons he's in the gov's race. A lot of Democrats don't trust Boasso, but a lot of Chalmatians do. They know they've been burned by the feds, and Jindal is a fed.

Five. Force Jindal to take ownership of Tom DeLay. One of the common themes in post-storm Louisiana is that we can't be trusted with federal funds because we're all a bunch of corrupt thieves. Remind the voters who the first-string crooks in Washington are, namely Delay and the K Streeters. In Congress, Piyush has been a good little Republican Caucus member, doing what Delay and Boehenr have told him to do. The litnay of crooks and influence-peddlers in Jindal's stable is extensive, and easily exposed.

Six. Force Jindal to take ownership of "Big Charity." Keep in mind that Jindal's supposed to be a policy wonk. He's portrayed in GOP circles as even wonkier than Bill Clinton. While the death of Charity Hospital in New Orleans means little to his upper-middle class neighbors in Jefferson Parish, the collapse of the state's hospital system scares the bejeebus out of residents in other parts of the state. Underinsured workers in the oil/gas industry in Southwest Louisiana, farmers in central LA, day laborers in north LA all rely on what's left of the state's public healthcare system. Jindal was the wunderkind who was supposed to fix all these problems. He didn't and couldn't, and doesn't have a clue where to start now. Hammer this home with the families of veterans who are returning from the war. Make them see that, even if Jindal is a smart guy, he is now in thrall to people who literally don't care if they get sick and die because they don't have health insurance.

Seven. Force Jindal to take ownership of David Vitter. Other than the people who are still gutting flooded homes, poor Vitty-cent is the most miserable man in Louisiana. He's a Republican politician whose entire political future rests on the hope that another Republican loses the governor's race. If Piyush is elected, Mitch McConnell and Trent Lott will throw Vitter right under the same bus that they threw Larry Craig. The only thing that's saved him so far is that Blanco would appoint a Dem to Vitty-cent's seat should he resign now. Diaper Dave's only hope is that a Dem is elected and the whole thing blows over before he stands for re-election in 2010.

Because the GOP doesn't want Vitty-cent to quit now, he's laying low. He'll probably not even come home this fall, hiding up in DC until after the election. Jindal's opponents need to make him take ownership of Vitty-cent. If I had the money, I'd hire someone to show up at every Jindal public even across the state dressed as a giant pack of Huggies (a reference to Vitter's diaper fetish). Make Jindal take ownership of Vitter and he must take ownership of GOP hypocrisy. Force Piyush to reconcile his "born again" faith with Vitty-cent's whoremongering. David Vitter at his best was not a popular person in the GOP--he stepped on a lot of people on his way up. If you can hang Vitter around Jindal's neck, Piyush won't be able to walk upright.

Of course, the big problem is that all of Jindal's opponents are afraid of attacking him. Foster Campbell is trying to run a positive, populist campaign when half the state doesn't know him at all. Walter Boasso is essentially a one-issue candidate, and even though that one issue is flood control, it's not enough unless he goes after not just Jindal, but Bush. Louisiana voters aren't worried about protecting themselves from the next storm--they know they're royally screwed if we get hit again. They want and need help recovering from the last storm. John Georges is a virtual unknown who might peel off Republican votes in Metairie and Kenner from Jindal, but simply being another white guy wearing an LSU shirt and holding a football isn't going to get him to the runoff.

The Democratic Party structure isn't going to be much help, either. Their first attempt to be a playa in this race was a disaster. By trying to attack Jindal's Catholicism (see www.jindalonreligion.com), all they accomplished was to unite all the candidates in support of Piyush.

The candidate who steps up and forces Jindal to take ownership of his base, his president, his leadership in Congress, and the storm will make it into the runoff with him. From there, it's just a matter of hammering those themes home combined with letting the inherent racism of Louisiana Republicans go to work and Jindal will go down for a second defeat.

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